Unfamiliar Place
Of writing I am trying to do work in the most high traffic places that people mainly go to just hang out and talk just about anything which is Starbucks. This place is so distracting because people come in and out constantly ordering coffee or sitting down at a table conversing with other people and hearing the employees making coffee on the machine like it is whistling like a humming bird singing all the damn time. It seems like everyone in Starbucks is on a different planet other than earth because I feel like what is the point in coming out in the damn cold to Starbucks to buy a cup of coffee that taste the same if you would to make at home. But I can’t talk because I am also hear trying to do school work in the most noisiest places where people come here to drink their lattes and feel special like that are at home sitting on their couch drinking coffee. I guess some people do not have anything else better to do with themselves so they waste time and go out for no apparent reason to just waste time like a turtle trying to race the road runner. Familiar Place Of Writing I am sitting in the library at my school doing my homework at one of the desks located on the left side of the room. As I am doing my homework I see a lot of good looking women coming in and out of the library. To get my juices flowing and my virtual thinking cap on I get myself a large ice coffee with cream. As I am doing my homework I observe of what is going around me and I see people laughing gossiping, going on Facebook or tweeting on twitter. The atmosphere in the library feels like you are outside just before the sun sets on the oceanfront on the beach and it sets the mood for me because it is relaxing like lying in bed with a soft pillow against your neck. As I feeding myself with more energy with my coffee like an energizer battery that keeps on going until I have to refuel again. But sometimes doing work in the library can have its bad moments because cell phones would go off like it is the crack of dawn on the farm hearing the rooster cockatoo to wake you up in the morning. Then the students would have the audacity to answer the damn phone and attempt to converse while they are still in the library while I am trying to set the tone to do my work. |
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Creative Non-Fiction Essay Draft # 1
For
the past six years I have had a rough life while I was in and out of college.
The passing of both of Aunts and recently my grandmother and doing bad my first
two years at college affects me then and it still does. The reason why it still
affects me today is because when my grades started to plummet like wall street
it back fired on me when I came home the following year, the only thing my
mother and grandmother would do is remind of the failures and how much money I
wasted in going to school like George Busch wasting money or the war on terror.
My senior year in high school I knew that I was not mentally ready of the whole
going way like a butterfly leaving its cocoon to school because deep inside I
knew it was not my time to go to a four year college. I wanted to start of
small like when I was a baby learning to crawl before I started to walk. Taking
those measures was my best shot, but not getting support from my mother who was
against it force me to go away to college, it is almost like handing me a back
pack and some money and sending me off to an adventure with no sense of
direction and guidance and not having and consideration of what is best for me
and my future. I remember feeling lonely and emotionally down about doing bad
in school and feeling like I am a failure not being able to do anything right.
The most hurtful moments I had was when I being forced to rehash these moments
of my life by my mother and grandmother as if it was an encore presentation of
my life every day. School has always been will be challenging for me because of
how I learn and because I have a learning disability that I was diagnosed when
I was only three years old which was Attention Deficit Hypertension Disorder,
also known as ADHD. Who made up this type of mental disability must have won a
Nobel Peace Prize for ruining my life because it seems like every psychiatrist
have names for every diagnosis from a to z. Being born with a hearing
disability does not make anything better. It made everything worse because that
made it hard for me to hear my teachers while sitting in a classroom trying to
learn. This affected my academic life and social life because loosing hearing
in one ear is the same of not being able to hear of what the world is trying to
tell me. My original plan was to go to a community college to get my associates
degree and transfer to a four school so that way I can be more acclimated with
college work and getting used to doing work for every class versus my mother
sending me of to fly with no wings. My plan was best for me because I would
have my wings to fly and be a better academically. But my mother did not care
what I wanted to do, the only thing she cared was sending me away. Two years
later after I go away to school I return home disappointed and upset that I
failed out of Penn State. I was that person to tell her “I told you so”. But
instead it was my fault that I failed and wasted all that money. Shortly after
that my two Aunts passed away and my grandmother. I took it very hard like a
nail trying to penetrate a rock constantly because they were always in my life
and always encourage me to better myself and to strive for more. The social
system in this country has affected me a lot because the system is divided on
the haves and the have not. Everything seems to be about how much money you
have and where you come from. I would say for the past six years and up to now
has been depressing for me because I am being pressured by my mother because
she wants me out her house and I cannot seemed to be able to find a job that
would pay a decent wage so can save up money so that I can leave and an
apartment of my own. Sometimes she makes seems like that I don’t do anything
for myself or try to make an effort in bettering myself when I have been trying
to do that for the past six years even when I graduated last year with my
associates degree last summer, I have been looking for a job and came up empty
with nothing. So instead of me being talked down like I am sitting on my ass
like a turtle, I do not get any credit for making an effort for trying. College
has affected my life is a good and bad thing for me because I was forced to go
away to school after graduating high school and not being ready for college and
not having the appropriate support that I needed while I was attending Penn
state. I did meet some good professors and some good people that worked at the
library and make some good friends but in the end I was not fully happy because
it was not my time to go away to school and my mother was not concerned about
my personal needs of what is right for me. Experiencing a new relationship with
my father has also taken a toll on me because all my life my father was never
there for my brother and me growing and while attending college. I do not
consider him being a real father for me because I feel like he abandon his
duties as a father and being a man and a role model for my brother and me. For
nine years I have not spoken to my father because of how he treated me as a
child and up to the present time.
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Creative Non-Fiction Essay Number Two
Waking
up at the crack of dawn half sleep hearing my mother barging in my room like
she is a drill instructor commanding her troops to wake up only for get to tell
me that she wants me out of her house by the time my birthday rolls around this
year in April. I am thinking in the back of my head what will happen and where
will I be because she wants me out of her house by that time. I feel like
everything I worked hard to achieve is being stripped away from me, I feel like
my life is being stripped away from me like superman losing his powers to krypton. She wants me to be out on my own like wolf in the woods with no job
and no other place to stay. She just would like to have her personal space without
no one living with her and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have that.
But I would like for her to understand that I am trying everything in my power
make sure that I can get a job save up money and move out to an apartment or
pay rent for a room. Every day is a different day for me because I always feel
like that I have to redeem myself like Joe Frazier defeating Muhammad Ali and
going against all odds each and every day. I wonder when the light will shine
down on me and help me out because I could really use a helping hand right now
to help me get out of the situation that I am in right now because it is
stressful for me every day. It always seems that bad things always happen to me
like I have an invisible magnet that
attracts bad luck and stops the good coming to me like a stray dog walking up
to me. Later on in that week I decided to talk to her about the situation but it
was not good, her mind was already made up and just wanted me out of her house
like a pest roaming around being forced out involuntarily with nothing to
depend on. Ever since she told me that, I have been myself lately because of it
and she does not care about what I want or that I am trying to make a
difference for myself. It is not like that I stay at home all day in my room
like a grizzly bear living in a cave all day and only come out when getting
food or water. For some reason she has had that kind of perception about me
because I do not tell everything that goes on in my life because it always
backfires like a gun and just hit you in the face when I least expect it. My
brother knows what is going on because I called him and told him what happen.
As I was telling him of what was going I tried to hold my composure like trying
to hold your bladder while sitting in my car talking to him. He tells that it
is not right for what mom is doing to me because I do not have a place to stay.
My brother does not want me to end up with nothing come April, he said that he
would try and talk to our grandmother about me staying with her for a little
while until I can get back on my feet. I am also struggling with my personal
demons like Russell Crowe portraying a real man in the movie “beautiful mind”
who has schizophrenia, even though I do not have that problem none the less I
still struggle my personal demons everyday.
Creative Non-Fiction Essay Number Three
I woke up at the crack of dawn half asleep. I hear my mother barging into my room like she is a drill instructor commanding her troops to wake up. She is wearing her gym clothes getting ready to walk out the door. Before she leaves the house she says to me “Tyray, I want you to be out of my house by the time I turn twenty-seven”. Roughly an hour later goes by, I am fully awake in my bedroom gathering all of my thoughts together trying to figure out why she is telling me this. I am Thinking in the back of head as I get up from my bed to get showered and start my day and trying to make sense of what just happened to me. As I finish getting dress walked down the hall to talk to my mother about the situation and try make sense out it. I said “mom why do you want me to move out so soon when you know I don’t have a solid job right now”? “Tyray I want my space and I want to be alone, I know that you are trying but I still want my space”.
I then decided to leave the house and try to blow off some steam and take my mind off of it. Sometimes I feel like everything I work towards for to reach my goal is being taken away from slowly. Later on in the day its dark outside, I am sitting in my car in a parking lot starring at the sky while seeing cars drive by on the road across the parking lot from me.
I also called my brother Tyree to tell him about what happen, he told me he would try his best to help me the best way he can. Sometimes I wish my mother understands that I am trying everything in my power to better myself and get a better job and save up money so that I can move out on my own. Later on that night I come home in the house while my mother is sound asleep with all the lights out. I turn on the dining room light to check my mail and read the important mail and throw away the spam mail that everyone gets. I walk upstairs to my room to go to bed to wake up early so that I can get to my English class the next day. Thinking positive helps me remind myself that I can overcome obstacles and hurdles that happens in my life each and every day. Ever since my mother told me the news, I have not really been myself lately because I’m always thinking about what she told me every day even though it’s not good to be stressed out.
Ever since that day has happen I have been taking some steps to prepare myself for when that day comes. During a rainy afternoon my grandmother calls me on my cell phone while I am at the school’s library and says to me “you can come and stay with grandma and live in the basement, but you would be responsible in cooking your own food. I have to get you a refrigerator to put in the basement so that way you can store your food.” I told her thank you for allowing me to stay in the basement. At that moment I felt more at ease then anything at that particular time. I walked back into library and continued my work on my memoir. For me this is a new beginning because I will no longer be living with my mother after twenty-seven years. I am happy that I finally be out of her way because living there for so long has put an emotional drag on me to the point that I was depressed and didn’t really wanted to do anything or talk to people. Staying at my grandmother’s house is only going to be a short term solution until I get back on my feet.
My anticipation is to get a full time job hopefully when before the end of this year. I am going to make every effort to try and make it happen; god knows I need a break. Even before my mother told me the news, I was still being proactive in finding a full time job. For some reason my mother`s perception about me is different and I feel it should not be different. I remember when she told the news I am laying in my bed feeling like shit after what she said to me because nothing seems to satisfy her or no matter what I do it does not seem good enough for her according to her standards which I could not even tell you what they are. I just know that she feels differently towards me compared to my twin brother.
The reason why I know this is because by the way she talks to me in a different way than my brother. The way she talks to me is like she is disgusted with me or just aggravated at me for no apparent reason at all. I could be sitting in my room doing my work or just chilling watching television or playing my game, she would barge in room as usual and have something to argue about because I live there and she likes to have something to argue about with me.
Everything that I have been through has shaped me the person I am today and that is what defines me as a person and a man. Everything happens for a reason beyond our comprehension and understanding. I am looking forward in starting fresh start at living with my grandmother, this is the first time I will be living with her, so I am looking forward. As I am sitting down in my room day dreaming and reminding myself that everything is going to be okay is what keeps me moving.
I then decided to leave the house and try to blow off some steam and take my mind off of it. Sometimes I feel like everything I work towards for to reach my goal is being taken away from slowly. Later on in the day its dark outside, I am sitting in my car in a parking lot starring at the sky while seeing cars drive by on the road across the parking lot from me.
I also called my brother Tyree to tell him about what happen, he told me he would try his best to help me the best way he can. Sometimes I wish my mother understands that I am trying everything in my power to better myself and get a better job and save up money so that I can move out on my own. Later on that night I come home in the house while my mother is sound asleep with all the lights out. I turn on the dining room light to check my mail and read the important mail and throw away the spam mail that everyone gets. I walk upstairs to my room to go to bed to wake up early so that I can get to my English class the next day. Thinking positive helps me remind myself that I can overcome obstacles and hurdles that happens in my life each and every day. Ever since my mother told me the news, I have not really been myself lately because I’m always thinking about what she told me every day even though it’s not good to be stressed out.
Ever since that day has happen I have been taking some steps to prepare myself for when that day comes. During a rainy afternoon my grandmother calls me on my cell phone while I am at the school’s library and says to me “you can come and stay with grandma and live in the basement, but you would be responsible in cooking your own food. I have to get you a refrigerator to put in the basement so that way you can store your food.” I told her thank you for allowing me to stay in the basement. At that moment I felt more at ease then anything at that particular time. I walked back into library and continued my work on my memoir. For me this is a new beginning because I will no longer be living with my mother after twenty-seven years. I am happy that I finally be out of her way because living there for so long has put an emotional drag on me to the point that I was depressed and didn’t really wanted to do anything or talk to people. Staying at my grandmother’s house is only going to be a short term solution until I get back on my feet.
My anticipation is to get a full time job hopefully when before the end of this year. I am going to make every effort to try and make it happen; god knows I need a break. Even before my mother told me the news, I was still being proactive in finding a full time job. For some reason my mother`s perception about me is different and I feel it should not be different. I remember when she told the news I am laying in my bed feeling like shit after what she said to me because nothing seems to satisfy her or no matter what I do it does not seem good enough for her according to her standards which I could not even tell you what they are. I just know that she feels differently towards me compared to my twin brother.
The reason why I know this is because by the way she talks to me in a different way than my brother. The way she talks to me is like she is disgusted with me or just aggravated at me for no apparent reason at all. I could be sitting in my room doing my work or just chilling watching television or playing my game, she would barge in room as usual and have something to argue about because I live there and she likes to have something to argue about with me.
Everything that I have been through has shaped me the person I am today and that is what defines me as a person and a man. Everything happens for a reason beyond our comprehension and understanding. I am looking forward in starting fresh start at living with my grandmother, this is the first time I will be living with her, so I am looking forward. As I am sitting down in my room day dreaming and reminding myself that everything is going to be okay is what keeps me moving.